July 2016 Newsletter

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July 2016 Newsletter

What’s on at Northern Beaches Counselling & Mediation

 

A Couple’s Journey

07/07/2016

 

When the Age Gap In a Relationship Is Too Big?

Jul 02, 2016 10:03 am

When Being Different Ages Is the Difference That Can Make the Difference Recently I was asked about my thoughts on the impact that a difference in age might have on the future success of a relationship. Let me scatter some thoughts here before I answer the question specifically. I have known of marriages that had […]

The post When the Age Gap In a Relationship Is Too Big? appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

 

Age and Marriage

Jun 22, 2016 10:09 am

An email I received recently went something like this: “I would like to know what you think about the challenges that … age poses to the institution of marriage.” I love this question as I believe age poses a whole set of different issues for couples though none any less surmountable than those presenting to […]

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Why Is My Husband Addicted To Sex With Other Women?

Jun 03, 2016 10:01 am

Some time ago I received an email from a woman questioning her husband’s continuing infidelity despite the fact that they have been married for more than twenty years. The simple question was why he would continue doing this? The answer of course is never quite as simple as the question as there may be a […]

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The Love Drug

May 25, 2016 10:05 am

We all know when we are “in love” that our common sense seems to fail us as all we think about is the subject of our love and the delight there will be next time we meet. Even just thinking about them can result in that flurry in our stomachs as if they were with […]

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Relationship Remedy

07/07/2016

 

What Is Marriage and Why Marry?

Jun 30, 2016 12:02 am
In this article I want to address some questions on what is marriage, why do we marry, and the role of extended families in marriage. Firstly let me define marriage. For me marriage is about two people committing themselves totally to one another. And I’ll add to this my personal opinion that this may refer […]
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To Give or Not to Give (a Second Chance)

Jun 22, 2016 12:08 am
So often I am told about infidelities, hurts and disappointments between couples and then asked whether the offenders should be given another chance. I think the question is often asked because the offender has felt some remorse for the misdeed and they, both in the couple, are hoping that this is enough to get them […]
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Seven Rules for Effective Problem Solving

Jun 03, 2016 12:09 am
  I’m often asked why when a couple starts a conversation about something that is really important to them it often just ends in another fight. Improving your skills in this area will help your relationship mature in a healthy way keeping it strong and happy. For a couple to reach decisions without unnecessary battles […]
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Are You Thinking of Leaving? Consider These Seven Things

May 25, 2016 12:04 am
Being the one to decide whether or not to leave a relationship can be just as hard as the one being left, and for some even more so. The one being left really has no say in the matter. The one making the decision to leave is the one taking absolute responsibility for what will […]
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Love Lies & Games

07/07/2016

 

The Traffic Light for Change

May 11, 2016 10:08 am

In all relationships there is only one kind of response to your partner that is acceptable. If the couple are well tuned to themselves and each other this could be happening from the beginning though for many this is a growth thing and doesn’t develop until much later as you come to know each other…

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Getting What You Want from Your Partner

Apr 30, 2016 10:25 am

Pavlov’s Dogs and Skinner’s Theory of Conditioning Ivan Pavlov, a Russian Physiologist, and BF Skinner, a US Psychologist, are most well known for their experiments with behaviour in the early 1900s. You might recall hearing about Pavlov’s behaviour modification experiments with dogs and pairing feeding them meat with a ringing bell. Naturally the dog would…

The post Getting What You Want from Your Partner appeared first on Love Lies & Games.

 

How to Be Assertive

Mar 23, 2016 11:14 am

When in relationship, as in life, our thoughts, feelings and behaviours become habits. Getting what you want could thereby follow those old well-worn habits, sometimes successfully and sometimes not. If not, you could use this to inspire and even change the way you express your thoughts and feelings. You can become more assertive by following…

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Responding Assertively to Game Playing

Mar 11, 2016 04:39 am

I will illustrate the topic with an example from the story of “Lyn” and “James”. At one time Lyn decides to take her children on vacation with a girlfriend and her children for a few days. But when Lyn tells James of the plan, he is not OK with it. When she asks why, he…

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Recent Events

What Makes Me The Way I Am?

 
What Makes Me So Different From You?
 
Have you ever spoken with your family and discovered that when talking about how life was for you as a child it’s like you grew up in two different families? …
Click here to learn more.

 

Quizzes & Questionnaires

The “Chemistry” Test

Here’s a test to measure how well your sexual relationship is working.
 

Answer the following questions about what’s true or false for you and your partner.

Click here to start the quiz.
 

What’s Your Favorite Position?

To discover your favorite place in the games you play with your partner, try this quick quiz.
 

Check off the responses that feel most like you. The position that has the highest number of checks in the “frequently” column is the one from which you are most likely to play your games.

Click here to start the quiz.
 

Other Quizzes & Questionnaires

Click here to find out more.
 

December 2015 Newsletter

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A Couple’s Journey

 

The Secret of a Good Marriage

Nov 25, 2015 11:01 am

A good marriage is the ultimate dream of every person in relationship. From the moment the decision to marry has been made right through the preparation of the wedding ceremony; the couple can’t help but to create their own fantasy about a good marriage. Unfortunately, for some it only ever is a fantasy. The reality […]

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Love versus Infatuation

Nov 18, 2015 11:02 am

When we first meet someone we can sometimes confuse a very strong feeling of attraction towards them, one that we might think is love, for what is actually infatuation. We might then notice our attraction towards that person decreasing and we realize that if we act on this feeling too quickly we may have made […]

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I Am Not In Love – Can I Still Be Happy In a Relationship?

Nov 11, 2015 11:16 am

I think this question needs some qualifiers first about love and what is love as well as about relationship and what is relationship. In this context I will use love to mean any deep and meaningful caring of one person toward another. So I can truly love my partner but I can also equally love […]

The post I Am Not In Love – Can I Still Be Happy In a Relationship? appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

 

What Is God’s Will for Me?

Nov 04, 2015 11:06 am

From my reader:   Thank you for this opportunity. I hope your site can help to educate many in the area of marriage, so that we can have a community of very happy people-to the glory of God. The following are the common burning questions: – For believers, they want to know if the person […]

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Relationship Remedy

 

Jealousy – the Green-eyed Monster

Nov 25, 2015 12:08 am

Sometimes couples come into me with an issue around jealousy, otherwise known as the “Green-eyed Monster”. When you feel jealous of someone, the slightest gesture of deception seems to be the greatest betrayal of the world. You cannot see them talking and socializing with anyone, you just want them to pay attention to you and […]
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How to Find Unconditional Love in Your Relationships?

Nov 18, 2015 12:00 am

I’ve already addressed in another article what is unconditional love but let’s review. Put simply, and as the words would imply, unconditional love is love that is given without the expectation of anything in return. Conditional love, on the other hand, is the love that is given in response to love received and generally has […]
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Does Unconditional Love Exist?

Nov 11, 2015 12:06 am

There’s a saying I’ve heard, and possibly even said myself, which suggests that the only love that is unconditional is the love of a mother for her newborn baby. The adage goes on to say that maybe this only lasts twenty-four hours or until your first sleepless night. To answer this question let’s firstly look […]
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Is Marriage Going Out Of Style?

Nov 04, 2015 12:06 am

You may already know that I have four children, all adults, who are starting to look at entering into long term relationships now that their childhood has passed them by […]

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Love Lies & Games

 

Common Reasons for the Games People Play

Nov 25, 2015 11:02 am

In the previous article I talked about a very delicate and manipulative game we grown-ups play sometimes. The game is ‘Why Don’t You…?’ and ‘Yes, but…’ Some people have played so much; they don’t even realize that they are playing it. Why though? Common reasons for the games people play In the previous article I […]

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An Example of the Games People Play

Nov 20, 2015 01:50 am

Grown-ups mind games: ‘Why don’t you..?’ and ‘Yes, but…’ When we were children, we all used to play games, most of them funny and harmless. The older we got the more intensive the games became. And because a child’s mind is so easily shaped the games he observes, and is often a party to, during […]

The post An Example of the Games People Play appeared first on Love Lies & Games.

 

The Purpose of the Games People Play

Nov 11, 2015 10:35 am

People often ask me – why are relationships so complicated? The short answer is – because there are two in the game. The games people play are a complicated mix of roles that are lived out unconsciously and driven by the equally unconscious need to stand by them on a daily basis. In short these […]

The post The Purpose of the Games People Play appeared first on Love Lies & Games.

 

The Games People Play

Nov 05, 2015 12:53 am

One thing is certain – human relationships are a complicated maze that has no entry or exit signs. It’s as if we start a relationship with our eyes closed, groping our way to the entrance of the maze but without a clear vision. We have no map or knowledge of how long it will take […]

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November 2015 Newsletter

posted in: Newsletters | 0

A Couple’s Journey

 

How Come the Sex Is Great but We Don’t Know How to Talk to Each Other?

Oct 28, 2015

Good Sex and good communication are possibly two of the most critical components in determining whether a marriage or a relationship is a happy one. And maybe, along with love, is what makes a relationship strong enough to make the distance. If your relationship lacks any of these three components, you definitely need to do […]

The post How Come the Sex Is Great but We Don’t Know How to Talk to Each Other? appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

Relationships When There Is a Disability

Oct 21, 2015

An email I received through the last week was from someone who was asking about entering into a relationship with a person disabled, in this case, by childhood polio. There are many relationships the world over where one or both parties to the couple have a disability of some sort. This could be physical, such […]

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Get Him Back in Three Simple Steps

Oct 16, 2015

Friends and the Media are full of ideas about how to get your boyfriend back after he has dumped you. Here is a sample of some of the things that I have heard and read: “Getting your ex back is not difficult. You just have to be a bit subtle and think from the point […]

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What Happened To The Magic In Your Relationship?

Oct 12, 2015

Click on the flyer to see it in full size. If you would like to attend the seminar please ring 02 99978518 or email admin@northernbeachescounselling.com.au with the words: “Yes I would like to attend the seminar”. Some excerpts from my workshops.

The post What Happened To The Magic In Your Relationship? appeared first on A Couple’s Journey.

Equality in the Relationship

Oct 10, 2015

Can There Really Be Equality in the Relationship? Before I can answer this question I think I need to define the terms ‘equality’ and ‘relationship’. The term relationship, by its very nature, implies a connection between two individuals with a shared benefit for both parties. While this might imply equality it may or may not actually […]

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Relationship Remedy

 

I’m Pregnant and I Don’t Feel I Love Him Anymore

October 28, 2015

There’s another question that goes often comes with this one and that is about the satisfaction many women feel in having given birth. It’s like the child now fulfills all her love and sexual needs some even saying that the very act of holding a child in their arms and/or breast-feeding the child gives them immense sexual pleasure so much so that some women even report the experience of an orgasm every time they feed their child…

The post I’m Pregnant and I Don’t Feel I Love Him Anymore appeared first on Relationship Remedy.

Are You Addicted To Love?

October 21, 2015

Marriage is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make in your life and maybe only second to becoming a parent. Consequently it is crucial that it is a decision made with considerable thought and care to ensure that, as much as possible, it will create a lasting relationship. Having said that I have never come across anyone who made a decision to marry with the intent of divorcing and yet, as we know, more than 40% of first marriages do end in divorce and the statistics are even higher for second and subsequent marriages – 60%++…

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He says he wants me but will not commit

October 17, 2015

To know in your mind, and feel in your heart, that you are in a committed relationship and that whatever happens, your partner will still be there for you, brings a sense of security to those in the relationship that love alone cannot provide. One thing I often ask a couple when beginning work with them is whether they are committed to each other as well as to the relationship. The answer to this question is even more important than the answer to the question – “Do you love your partner?” as the two may actually not be mutually inclusive…

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Indicators That Your Relationship Is In Deep Trouble

October 11, 2015

Why Do My Parents Hate Each Other So Much? I was speaking to a young boy this week, let’s call him Mat (not his real name), who asked me a question about his divorcing parents – “Why do my parents hate each other so much?” I found myself searching for an answer and finally said: “I don’t believe your parents really ‘hate’ each other but maybe are just so angry with each other, and with the situation they are in, that it looks like they really hate each other…

The post Indicators That Your Relationship Is In Deep Trouble appeared first on Relationship Remedy.

Love, Lies and Games

 

Effective Communication in Action

October 18, 2015

When you look at the solution to a problem from a different perspective then everything gets easier. Child’s play really. If you imagine two adults who are playing tic-tac-toe and are competing for the win you are going to see the big picture as if from a bird’s eye view. Let’s accept for a moment that the game is a dispute. I put an “x”, my partner puts an “o” and we continue like this one after another. The tension is getting stronger. Who is going to win? At some point my partner puts his “o” and draws a smile. I smile back, I accept the dispute from its amusing angle and I understand that my partner’s intentions towards me are positive. I quickly grasp the wink. A game or a dispute, call it whatever you want…

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Relationship Rules for Effective Communication (Part 2)

October 11, 2015

Body language, power of words, facial expression, position of the hands, waving of the hair – what do all of these mean to you when transferred into everyday communication? Is the reading of every gesture part of effective communication between people? Is it non-verbal language? I am asking myself, isn’t this the key to Relationship Rules for Effective Communication?;Of course, my experience as well as all of the big books written on this topic prove that each gesture or movement of our bodies expresses our inner condition in a moment of conversation, in a moment of a dispute, or even in a moment when we say “I love you” to our partner. In order to be a good converser and listener at the same time you need to acquire a few simple skills and mostly you have to learn to read the code o…

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